Queen of the Deep

I can be a real pompous ass, or at least feel like one. So, in the spirit of solving all of life's problems, below is an analysis on why I think I know what's best for others and how I have been trying to stop. Pretty sure I still sound like a pompous ass, though.

This all started because I have been engaging in a lot of "I like me" talk lately and I must say it has been working. Sure, some may see me as a ditzy, materialistic tart whose thoughts never get past how smeared her mascara may be after watching the cutest puppy gif ever seen, but maybe they don't see me that way. I am most certainly not perfect and, either way, it really doesn't matter. It seems like it can take a lifetime to truly arrive at a consistent understanding that it really doesn't matter, but knowing it even some of the time is very powerful because you realize you have nothing to prove.

You might think the champion ugliest dog in the world isn't a true joy to behold. Doesn't mean he isn't! And he has nothing to prove to you. He isn't going to keep 5 bookcases full of books around his house just in case you come over so you know he reads. WHY ARE YOU SO JUDGY?

Anyway, out of all the reinforcement efforts surrounding my confidence, I have realized I sometimes feel like I do, indeed, have something to prove, just as some people use the biggest words possible to prove their education, or others argue against anything, no matter how contradictory, to prove they have the ability to reason. Some people push away good things to prove they suffer through this hard life. Some people insist they like very silly things to prove they are not as disagreeable as you want to paint them!

Part of my focus lately has been looking at my part on the other end of those interactions; what to do when I find myself judging others as I sometimes believe they judge me. Now that I know I am the one and only master and commander of all things within this, my infinite expanse of uncharted ecosystems and bone-crushing depths, tumultuous unknowns that no other has ever explored - queen of the deep - I do this thing where I clop over to others in my pink, plastic, glittery high heels and try to bless them with a tap of my Little Tykes scepter to free them of the tyranny of certain behaviors.

But here's the thing: When has anyone ever told you you should do something or think a certain way and you didn't puff up in outrage about a) the suggestion that you haven't thought to do so before they suggested it and b) not having acted on it if you had? You're playing Marie Antoinette, while they're surviving in their crop-less, medieval shantytown by feeding their hogs the only thing they have to feed them - more hogs - which has, in turn, led to a ferocious, flesh-hungry hog problem. They're eating oatmeal with a straw, man, because they can't catch hogs anymore and their utensils are back in the shantytown that is presently overrun by vicious hogs! Life is hard. Whether they care what you have to say, the point is: No. Just don't.

But not all is lost, fair ruler! Everyone feels they have something to prove, but you only need to prove it to yourself. This is your opportunity to grow yourSELF! That's what really matters, after all (unless you have kids. . . then, you best instill some confidence, self-evaluative tendencies, and communication skills in that wee human who will otherwise one day poison you, steal your silly, silly shoes, and usurp your throne)! The only case that you may ever depend on in concerning yourself with anything is that YOU may change YOUR ways. If something about someone else bothers you, it is not so much an indication of what seems wrong with them, but with how you are handling your own thoughts. Oh, or if the other person is the worst, just stop talking to them. Obvs.

And THAT, I believe, is how you may ultimately have influence. Be the embodiment of your ideal and the influence you have in the world will speak for itself. This seems like a no-brainer, but how many people, besides me, go around tossing handfuls of glitter on those they know most intimately? It is a bastardly thing to do, but we cannot help ourselves!

So, here are some things I'm trying to keep in mind as I step back into my personal grounds and begin to phase out this policy of public outreach:

  • Be proactive. You've got so much to tend to with that whole aforementioned expanse that's all yours for the tending. There is plenty to keep yourself busy to the point where it's like, "Why do you even think you have the time to try to tend to others to begin with?" Are you perfect? No one wants to be a hypocrite. I didn't dye my hair blonde for years because I thought others would interpret it in a way that meant I wasn't smart. Turns out I DON'T always look so smart and it just does not matter! There is plenty to work on here.

  • Choose, again and again, to let go of the things that bother you. You may never understand why something rubs you the wrong way, but every irritable moment is an opportunity to command greatness in yourself and choose to see the good in that moment; to be the person you would admire.

  • Focus on yourself. The behavior of others probably troubles you because you recognize it in yourself. So, if you feel you have done something to overcome those behaviors, pretend you are a mannequin modeling a really nice dress that dazzles when worn. Just sell it!

  • Don't act out to get your someone's attention. I was almost 30 before I realized I was sad because I had been addicted to misery. I have to be grateful I was granted the circumstances growing up in life that allow me to more easily seek a better way of thinking. Some people get angry. Some give of themselves to the point of self-harm. Some people seek pity. Different backgrounds lead to different thought patterns. The nice part about that is most problems can be solved! But if you act out instead of explaining your emotions to them, they're not going to want to be like you at all! It's like those Save the Children reps on the street who passive aggressively call you out for not stopping to talk to them. "OK, ya, THANKS! Have a GREAT day!" Has that ever worked once for them? Influence - gone. Either be calm or keep to yourself. No one respects uncontrolled emotions.

  • Don't act like you know what's best for anyone but yourself. This one is my biggest challenge: accepting that others know what they're doing even when they seem unhappy. Outside of intervention for the world's Charlie Sheens, people are going to have to be accepted in doing what they want. No one changes because they're told to. They change because they have an experience and take pride in deciding for themselves.

  • Be kind. No matter how differently someone thinks or behaves, outside of complete bigotry, you really are often better off just smiling and nodding. Does it keep you from being you? If someone wants to never travel . . . O_O . . .that's them! That.is.them.

  • Be self-sufficient. You don't need anyone to do anything for you, your highness. If they do, it's just so gosh darn nice of them, but relying on others is the first step to expecting from others, which leads to. . .

  • Don't expect anything from anyone else. It doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have. Don't expect any other person to provide you with anything other than their company, especially not change. They're going to die someday too and who do you think you are to make demands of them? No one owes you a thing. You are the only one who can fix it when something's not right.

Be Finland. Seriously, while we've been arguing about guns and the bible and how fair it is to overpopulate and crash the world by way of anti-science, Finland has been quietly growing itself into a total wonder and, now that we see their children are getting smarter, we have started to pay attention and look to others for what works!

The irony of writing a post telling people to be happy with themselves by not telling others how to be happy with themselves is just downright goofy, I know. But this is just how I work out my own kinks. I write about them and the peace that follows is truly something magnificent that I wish I had known about long ago.

Whatever your goals, whatever you wish for others, the best you can do to inspire action in others is by doing those things yourself. Live the life that is ideal to you. Your life is yours and yours alone.


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